For the few people who follow along here and read what I have to say, I wanted to do a little "how's it going" post. I've had a lot going on, and I feel that Holy Spirit is leading me to share it.
First and foremost, I have not given up on my daily readings of the Bible - I'm having to take my own advice and allow myself to rest. I also need to work on my recording and editing schedule, because it's been a mess. Messy doesn't work if you want to be successful. And successful people learn when to take a break, because working yourself into the ground doesn't equal success either.
Secondly, I wrote and published a guided prayer journal in October 2025. I haven't really tried to advertise or market it in any way. Why, you might ask? Simple - I don't feel that it's anything to be proud of. I followed God's instructions in making it, but despite that initial rush of getting an ISBN and holding the first proof copy in my hands, I didn't feel proud of what I accomplished. That's something else that needs to change - both my feelings toward my accomplishments and my lack of marketing.
That feeling of accomplishment and pride in what I do is something I have struggled with my entire life. My parents have been nothing but supportive in my endeavors, even if we don't always agree on everything (and if your parents always agree with you, someone's not being honest). They have allowed me to fail and learn from those failures, and they have stoked the flames under my determination countless times.
Beyond that, however, I am also a "gifted kid". I was enrolled in the Gifted Education program in elementary school. It's a form of special education for the kids who learn more quickly and differently from the average students in their class. Anyone who has ever been classified as a "gifted kid" knows that, once you leave elementary school, it becomes less about learning quickly and differently and more about how much more you accomplish than everyone else in your class. At least, that's what it felt like from my point of view.
And I broke under that pressure. I dropped out of high school, got a GED, and dove headfirst into trying to make a living for myself and my family.
Fast-forward 10-ish years: I'm working for a company that says it'll pay my way through college, and I'm convinced (by external and internal influences) to get an Associate's degree. I put myself back in the pressure cooker; I was DETERMINED to finish that degree in less than a year - and with full honors. I did it in a year exactly, and I was so disappointed with myself.
Bear that in mind. I finished a 2-year college degree in 12 months with a 4.0 GPA, President's List honors, and I graduated Summa Cum Laude; that still wasn't enough. I still wasn't good enough. So I begrudgingly celebrated my "graduation" with friends and family, saying how proud they were of me. I didn't walk on stage, nor did I attempt to participate in the online commencement ceremony available for that graduating class. I didn't feel like there was much of a point, since I couldn't meet my own expectations of success and accomplishment.
A year later, I no longer work for that company - again, I feel like I've broken under the pressure of ridiculously high, mostly self-imposed expectations.
The reality? God told me to leave - to RUN. And I fought Him tooth and nail. I felt like I could make a difference there, I could help people, and I could improve things for my team. And He was telling me to give it all up, to leave behind a place that I thought was exactly where He wanted me to be.
Again, I feel like a total failure. I can't even make it 10 years at one company. I can't manage to get two promotions before I give up and call it quits. I can't manage to hang on to the blessing that God has given me with this job. And to top it all off, my boss told me (in not-so-many words) that my hard work and effort to try to make things easier for him and my team didn't really count for anything other than hours on my paycheck and tension in my neck. Two back-to-back slaps to the face.
At first, I got angry. I was ashamed to have been taken advantage of - my generosity, my flexibility, my willingness to go above and beyond. It meant nothing to the team I'd spent three years trying to help. I used to jokingly call myself "Mop #1" in my boss's tool chest because I always seemed to be the one cleaning up the messes or coming to the rescue. But right then, I really felt like it. Except I felt like an overused and excessively abused multi-tool that had provided a fix for one too many problems.
What was really happening? God was showing me the truth of the matter. Yes, that job was a blessing for my family and me. Yes, I got to move to Texas because of the promotion I took, and that promoted role allowed me to meet new people, learn new things, and travel to new places. Yes, my good intentions, generous nature, and desire to help people and contribute were all being taken advantage of to the fullest. And it was time for me to leave. It was time for me to transition into the next season God had planned for me. It was also time for God to allow the actions of others to have their consequences, and I would be knee-deep in those consequences if I were to stay where I was.
God was telling me to RUN - my time was over there, and I had a set time to leave before the bottom fell out. I had fulfilled my purpose. I hadn't failed, I had just crossed the finish line. I brought light into a dark room, and what had once been hidden was revealed for what it truly was - and it was screaming and gnashing its teeth.
It has taken me four months to process that completely. I now grieve that past season. I loved my coworkers - I still do. Some great people work in that office, and they do incredible work. I cherish the time spent there, I'm grateful to have had the opportunity that I had to accomplish all that I did, and I don't regret my decisions while I was employed there. I wouldn't be who I am today without those 6 years - three in Louisiana and three in Texas. I pray that everyone in that office - especially the people I didn't agree with or particularly enjoy being around - accomplishes their goals, has peace and comfort at home, and finds true happiness and satisfaction in life.
Why share all of this now?
Well, I think I've finally reached a place in my own learning where I can be proud of the accomplishments in my life, especially the ones that don't look like accomplishments.
I listened to God and left a place where I was no longer meant to serve. I followed His guidance, even though it's been a very trying few months. I followed His instructions to put together a prayer journal for people who want to get to know Him better, but don't really know where to start. I've started posting videos of me reading the Bible - not just for others to listen to, but to help me get comfortable with the recording and editing process. I can confidently see where I am in my season, and it makes me weep to write it out and accept that I'm not a failure. I did what my Heavenly Father asked me to do, even though I was scared and confused and ashamed of what it might look like to my own corrupted, impossible standards or to someone else.
Here's the thing, though - God just wants our obedience. He wants us to want what He has for us, and to receive those things, all we have to do is follow His direction and guidance.
In Jeramaiah 29, it says, "'For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you.' says the LORD, 'plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (29:11 AMP) 'Then you will call on Me and you will come to and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you.' (29:12 AMP) 'I will be found by you,' says the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and I will [free you and] gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' says the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.' (29:14 AMP)
That isn't just "I know what you're thinking," but rather "I know what I think of you, and I know what you should think of yourself and within yourself, and I have provided a way for you to easily access that knowledge and truth."
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:16, "For who has known the mind and purposes of the LORD, so as to instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ [to be guided by His thoughts and purposes] (AMP)." Paul is referencing Isaiah 40:13 and answering the question posed. We have been given the Mind of Christ; all we have to do is ask for it - and God wants us to ask for it.
The short of it - it doesn't matter what it looks like to the outside world. It doesn't matter what I've managed to convince myself to believe. At the end of the day, if I'm doing what God asks of me so that I can follow the plan He's made for my life, I'm successful and fulfilling my purpose. I trust what He has for me will be more than I ever could have imagined.
If you haven't already, go check out my prayer journal, "Hey God, It's Me Again". There is a SHOP button in the navigation menu, and from there you can find a link to my Lulu Bookstore listing. I haven't set up a storefront for this website, but when I do, I'll edit this post to include the instructions for making a purchase there.
It does have a decent processing and shipping time - the company I chose to use for self-publishing prints on demand, but the quality of the journal is well worth the wait. They do have faster shipping options, but the slowest option usually only takes 3 or 4 business days after the book prints. From clicking "submit" on the order to delivery at the mailbox, it's usually less than 2 weeks for me.
You may not feel like you need a guided prayer journal. That's okay. Maybe you know someone who could use one. Or maybe you know a church group that would benefit from them. Pray about it, see what God says. And if you feel like you don't know what to say in that prayer, maybe you'd benefit from a guided journal after all.
Stay blessed and stay bold.
-Branda
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